Three Christmas Ghosts

Three times today, my simple words evoked angst, eye-rolls, and even tears from different people. For the life of me though, I did not know how -- the conversations were ordinary, good-natured, and entirely within character, but the responses were completely unexpected and unsettling.

Genuinely confused, I first wondered how each person could have completely misunderstood my meaning and my intent ~ how each could have misheard.

After some time, the focus shifted: I wondered if somehow my thoughts lost some coherence along the path from between my ears to my mouth ~ that perhaps the burden was my own, that somehow I misspoke.

Lastly, a dystopian thought arrived: Was it possible that I was trapped in a particular reality that only I could see ~ an Alzheimer's-like shift with others upset in seeing me this way? What had I forgotten? What might I be missing?

I was invited to view this single day in three different ways as my mind struggled to make sense of the experience. I walked through the three different realities and extrapolated, reconsidering past experiences and thinking forward given that particular understanding...

... all while sitting in an easy chair.

Is it sensible to truly believe that any one of the three views is correct? Is it possibe that the correct view still eludes? One question after another, ...

... all while my coffee was getting cold.

What is the take-away? How might your life change if you managed to puzzle it all out or were gifted with some particularly clear vision of the truth of it all?

It's getting close to 5 A.M. with folks opening presents in just a few hours. Best get some sleep.

Merry Christmas :-)

Schrodinger's Friend

I woke this Monday morning to find a message from my friend sitting on my phone.

Except it wasn't my friend. It was his wife. She was going through her husband's phone, making sure that everyone knew that he passed on Saturday from a heart attack.

I resisted my security worker's compulsion to ask for authentication; instead, my friend became Schrodinger's friend too, wandering within some limbo within my own mind. Still, the reality of who my friend was to me washed through me, and I replied in kind: We had much in life, station, and hobbies, in common, but above all else, he was an unassuming friend. We shared a "Hey, I was just thinking about you!" connection, and he had the uncanny timing to come and find me precisely when I felt lost or disconnected,

... and it was clear to me that all of this is what remains with me.

As I sat outside with my coffee, lost in thought over the loss of a friend, a small bird landed on the ladder behind me. It jumped up and down a rung at a time, just a foot or two from my face, pausing on each to scream at me.

It snapped me out of my funk, and I smiled on knowing Its name.

May we all be so fortunate as to find what we need embodied in our fellow human beings, however briefly, and may our hearts and eyes open to recognizing that presence everywhere and always.

The Litany of the Lost

From my years of Roman Catholicism, I knew the old folks would tell you to say a prayer to St. Anthony if you lost your keys or the like, but that kitschy view from my childhood really masked a much more powerful view that I hadn't encountered before this afternoon.

More impressive than this bodhisattva-like image is the prayer at the kneeler before it, "The Litany of the Lost"

Lord have mercy.
Christ have Mercy.
Lord have mercy. 

For those of us who have lost ...
(Response after each of the petitions: "St. Anthony, pray for us.")
... our health
... our dreams
... our self-respect
... peace within our families
... our peace of mind
... our talents
... our perspective
... our trust in others
... our housing
... our initial zeal
... our innocence
... our virtue
... our financial security
... our sobriety
... our independence
... our home
... a loved one
... our faith
... civil peace 

Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us. 

Loving God, you have given us St. Anthony, the patron saint of the lost, as an intercessor for those who are in need of Your mercy. Listen to his voice as he calls out to You on our behalf, and grant those things which will help us grow in Your love. 

We ask this through Christ our Lord, Amen.

That is quite a laundry list... A thoughtful reading invites us to a deeper, broader self-examination. I wondered if any one of them could really happen in isolation without cascading into the others. Once we encounter a tear in the fabric of our lives, we can trace it and see how it has spread and how it manifests in different ways. Won't we in time see our loss reflected everywhere around us?

And if we see loss everywhere around us, is it possible that loss is inside us somewhere, waiting to be revealed?

As I reflected there, nearby, confessions were being heard ~ the Sacrament of Reconciliation ~ wherein the faithful speak with another intercessor to unburden their souls and to restore their lost relationships with God, family, community ~ with the church as a whole.

For some, Hell is described in terms of a soul's distance from God, where sin is what generates the separation. Suddenly, from moment to moment and in every circumstance, we are burning in Hell. Can you find your way back?

Sitting in the garden, I saw a broken tree branch on the ground. No amount of effort on my part would unbreak the branch or reattach it to the tree. Some may deal with this by declaring there is no branch, no break in the branch, and no tree from which the branch fell. Seeing your despair, a stranger might sit on the makeshift bench beside you and and ask what is troubling you. The groundskeeper may interrupt, seeing pieces of a new garden's edge, and ask you both to move so she can drag them off. Regardless, if you can't find your way to restore what is lost, wouldn't it be nice to know that there is someone you can trust to handle the situation for you?

If we don't deny the possibility, we may find grace again.