Now that's not to say that at different times I didn't have different focus. Clearly I did. There was a time I struggled with making sense of my son's diagnosis with muscular dystrophy. There was a time when, out of work, I struggled with the prospect of losing everything. There was a time when I struggled terribly getting through each day in unsatisfying jobs. I struggled to find meaning in each situation or perhaps a path out of it.
As I considered different meanings and teachings, I reevaluated old situations and as well as new ones as I encountered them. I concocted experiments to test my understanding, collected evidence of successes and failures, and looked at the future as well as the past through different lenses. I turned years and years of Aikido practice inside out, reevaluating my entire approach. Sitting on a cushion, sitting in the evening smoking a pipe, or sitting in traffic late for an appointment--each became a subject of a study. Even my most recent obsession with learning a musical instrument did not escape examination.
At some point a few years ago, I realized I was doing all of that. That's when there was a subtle shift from trying to make sense of what was happening to me and integrating that understanding into my life to selecting how I would face life. And I recorded it all. Read through the old posts if you like; it's all in there--but it's also all in the paragraphs above if you're looking for a shortcut. In one way or another, I've tried to insert that point into every post. It's a reminder for me, and maybe it's a roadmap for you. Maybe it just depends on what you're looking for.
Now, in some sense, I know what my posts are going to say--and I say it anyway. That gives me a little more insight into who I am.
So, who are you?
